Bohemian Rhapsody: Rotten Tomatoes is Rotten, This Film is Fire (Score: 10/10)

Rami Malek as Freddy Mercury. Photocred: IDK.
But by the time they come after my lil’ ole blog I’ll definitely be winnin’

I’m feelin’ that feelin’ you feel when the amount of feels you’re feelin’ is going to make it difficult to express your feelings as concisely as you’d like. Can I get an Ameen? No? Cool. Already know imma take the L on this post — like, for long.

Foremost, thank God I’m a fake film critic because I’d hate to have to try and organize the forthcoming into a coherent structure. Brothers and sisters — this movie is fantabulously bonkers. If you read my post about us living in a movie renaissance, this is one of those flicks that confirms it. People, these flicks have made celibacy easy for me. I’ve been flicks over chicks. Which is relevant, actually, because Freddie Mercury, who is played by the effin’ amazing Arab Rami Malek, doesn’t know what he is. But his girlfriend does, because her reply to Ramy’s dramatic confession, “I think I’m bisexual,” made my Hollywood theatre erupt into laughter: “you’re gay, Freddy.”

Funfact: I watched this film again in theatres in Richmond, VA, where I was visiting my self-appointed-Godmama, and nobody laughed during that part. Strange… maybe the south is a bit slow to support our gay brethren or something. I’m being facetious, cupcake. That’s exactly why nobody thought it was funny.

Ok. Lemme try to rapid fire some relevant facts before this falls apart. This movie is based on the band QUEEN. Oh, you don’t know them so why should you care? Sit down and shut up, yes you do. We will, we will, rock you? Yeah. Sayonara sweetie. Another one bites the dust? We are the champions?

Freddy was the lead singer of Queen and had 4 octave range. His real name was Farrokh. He was gay. He had 4 octave range. He had a very complicated relationship with his father and his family at-large. He was promiscuous. He never fixed his teeth on purpose, why? He had 4 octave range. He had aids. He died of it. He was an absolutely stunning singer and performer. He wrote some of the greatest songs ever. He was one of the most beloved stars in the universe. Michael Jackson status. Some would argue I just sold him short. Don’t shoot the messenger. I didn’t even know who this man was despite the fact that I grew up singing along to him. I know — you too — that’s probably why you’re still reading.

So why did Rotten Tomatoes try to shit on Bohemian Rhapsody? Hell if I know. If I had to guess, it’s because Rami was Arab and they probably even assumed he was Muslim, which he isn’t, at least not by birth. But he is, despite the rotten haters’ best efforts to stop it, the first person of color to win the Golden Globe Award in 18 years. Yes, for 18 years this award went exclusively to my white loves. Because nobody else can act.

The movie is named after the band’s most successful (and one of the world’s most successful) songs ever: Bohemian Rhapsody. The song is ridiculously long and the label head didn’t believe in it. That story is retold in hilarious (and historically accurate, from my understanding) fashion.

Now for the TMZ section. Rami’s apparently dating his co-star, who played his wife in the film. Or just GF? Can’t remember if they got married. It doesn’t matter because they were deeper than titles and I’m a fake film critic. This apparently isn’t the first co-star Rami dates. My roomie and I make fun of him for this… we call this rookie acting behavior. Meanwhile he has a Golden Globe and we’re dreaming about one — so def. no judgement. To the contrary, that made their screen chemistry out of this world and whose to say their relationship can’t last!? Speaking of lasting, the band, QUEEN, overcome a breakup to last and go out with a bang. They played for what I believe is the longest recorded audience in history shortly before Freddy’s passing. The actors of the other band members do an amazing job and look like QUEEN replicas.

Overall amazing film, folks. Really a must a see for everyone. Enjoy!

Ali

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